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If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for the rest of the day

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Location: San Jose, California, United States

I'm a Westerner.

Saturday, December 31, 2005


I love fuji apples. They even have a 'season', which implies an 'off-season', a time of year during which they are not available. Just the thing to teach humans patience, I say.

This morning we visited Tesco, I'm afraid our boycott of Tesco was short-lived. You see, Tesco receives one out of every eight retail pounds spent by Joe UK-Consumer. So, it only made sense to shop elsewhere, support the little guy, so to speak. For awhile, we did this, but... there's always a 'but' in these cases, can you dig it, man, Tesco is on the way home from York, plus they have my fave Fentimanns. I always hope Morrisons will decide to sell more Fentimanns, they only sell the Ginger Beer variety, no Curiousity Cola, no Dandelion & Burdock. So I go to Tesco, they stock all varieties.

It's not like I didn't give Morrisons a fair chance in this regard... I even went so far as to interrogate a clerk at Morrisons, busy in his task of stocking your Cokes, your Pepsis, and so on, I said: "excuse me, you stock Fentimanns Ginger Beer, but not any of the other varieties, you see, there's Curiosity Cola blah blah blah blah", and he said, "no, we don't stock those", and I said, "well, do you think you might, in future?", and he said, "No. No, I don't think so". A bit shattering, to a sensitive spirit such as myself.

But that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about fuji apples.

I bought fuji apples at Tesco this morning; in previous visits to Tesco, it never seemed like their fujis were anything special, not the high quality I've come to expect from Morrisons, but, today, they looked very nice. I bought four. Maybe five.

Now, skip forward in your mind, forward in time, into the future of those fujis, to a time when they arrive at my house. You all know the ritual...

1. You bring the groceries into the house
2. You remove the groceries from their paperorplastic (although we use, and re-use, our cotton fabric M&S bags, but don't let that deviation confuse you) (I don't really know if they are made of cotton or not. Maybe later I'll see if I can figure it out)
3. You put the groceries in pre-organised bins, as if they were just so many different Lego shapes

It was in the neighbourhood of step #2 where it all went horribly wrong. The plastic bag containing the fugi apples broke, the bottom of it splitting open. Disaster! We have hardwood floors, and each fuji apple dropped from a height of approx one metre. If memory serves:

v(final)=sq. rt. (2gh)

Where g is 10 metres per second squared, and h is, in this case, unity. So, v=2root5, or ~4.47 m/s. The kineteic energy of each apple would then be (1/2) m(v squared); if the mass of each apple is 200 grams ( 5 per kilogram? is that right?), then the kinetic energy of each apple is about 2 joules. All lost on that hardwood floor.

Or, more accurately, that energy was deposited into each apple...

Bruising was inevitable!

So. New Year's Eve lunch was a cinch- fuji apples. All of them. All of them, immediately.

Now I'm hungry again.


Blogger Sarah Elaine said...

I'm partial to Gala apples myself, but Fuji are good, too.

And I also use cloth bags or a plastic bin designed specifically for groceries.

Looking forward to more postings in 2006, OH! Happy New Year to you and yours.

1/01/2006 4:52 PM  
Blogger Helly said...

My fiance loves Fuji apples. I'm an apple Philistine, myself - as far as I'm concerned, they're "red" or "green" - but he agrees with you on the Fuji.

1/01/2006 5:47 PM  
Blogger Cam said...

I love apples, but I am allergic to them.

I've had Fentimans before, but only the ginger beer kind. I discovered that ginger beer is disgusting and that is doesn't taste anything like ginger ale. What does Curosity Cola taste like compared to Coke or Pepsi?

Seville Orange Jigger sounds tasty, along with Victorian Lemonade. How are Dandelion & Burdock and Shandy?

1/02/2006 7:28 AM  
Blogger ipodmomma said...

whoa dude!!! what happened????

1/02/2006 11:35 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

I have been reading ipod (molly) for a while and just checked you out for the firs time. hehe you are kind of funny. Think I will be back.

1/02/2006 1:04 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1/02/2006 1:04 PM  
Blogger Vale of York said...

oh, you know it already, don't you? I adore Fujis, but if I can't have them, the Breaburns are very good too... very oldfashionedly aromatic.... and that's something you can't say about Fujis... there is no discernable aroma in them, at least none that I can detect. And did you ever notice... after you have taken a generous bite out of a Fuji and you chew, there is soon nothing solid left... just an unbelievable amount of sweet and wonderful juice...

1/02/2006 5:23 PM  
Blogger Elliot said...

You won't get nearly the velocity out of dropping a Macintosh apple, which is my favorite apple not only because fewer laws of physics applies to them than Fujis, but also because they come from a more brusque stock of apples that don't bruise easily, though have been known to wilt at insensitive remarks.

1/03/2006 7:20 PM  
Blogger zouzou said...

Hey OH. Thought I'd visit off Sarah's link. You're hilarious! love your blog. Have you tried Ambrosia apples? We get them here in Western Canada but heaven knows where they actually grow - they are DELICIOUS too. Crisp, flavourful, juicy, yum yum yum.

1/04/2006 6:55 PM  
Blogger Granny said...

Applesauce perhaps? Five second rule of course.

Fujis and Galas are both economical and easy to find here. Being from the east coast, I'm a McIntosh lover myself. Anything except Delicious. They're not - at least to me.

1/29/2006 9:39 PM  
Blogger Elle said...

We used to get Fentimen's Curiosity Cola's here in Boise, but no longer. I've thought about ordering then online, but always been too scatterbrained to think of it at the time.

1/31/2006 12:21 PM  
Blogger Granny said...

Elliott's spelling of Macintosh is correct. I get mixed up with my Mc's and Mac's.

1/31/2006 9:04 PM  
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