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Prawn Hats

If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for the rest of the day

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Location: San Jose, California, United States

I'm a Westerner.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Big B, Little B, What Begins With B?

I reckon- I'm not very good at distinguishing patterns.

I see those words typed out, I can't get my arms around them... they are obscure, they relate to 'the other', not to me. I see disparate elements, seemingly disjointed, yet I detect an underlying... something... or, in this case, I don't.

If there was even a hint of talent, then surely, on Sunday, it would have occurred to me to buy bread, and fruit. But it was not to be. I was lame. On Sunday, I was less 'Oldhall', and more 'Idiot Boy, Clown Prince of the Yorkshire Rarebit"

Sunday turned smartly into Monday, with an inevitability usually reserved for the Chicago Bears... and I had no apples, no bread for sandwiches, no bananas (yes, we have no mañanas, get your mañanas today), no pears, no oranges...

Faced with this culinary crisis, I did the improbable, and simultaneously the inevitable: I stopped by the grocery store on the way to work. Now, I have to say I'm schizty about the idea- stopping at the grocery store on the way to work. On the one hand, the store is quiet, the vegetables are just starting their day, the lazy kale, the unnerving courgettes, the Herbert Walker Broccoli... but on-the-other-hand, I'm sad, because my life is not amongst them, I should not be there, when their mother is out, because I have to go to work.

I reckon, that seems to be all I can do today, is reckon, I'll be one of those retired guys who waits for the grocery store to open every morning. 7AM sharp, I'll be standing there. It is true, though, I may have to live someplace weird, with the ever-increasing numbers of 24-hour grocers. Which, I suppose, introduces an even more pathetic image- I'm standing with my pension waiting for a store to open... a store that wasn't closed in the first place. [sigh]

So:

I bought my apples

I bought my pears

I bought my oranges

I bought my date 'n' walnut bread

I ate these things, I ate them in the car, I ate them in the jar, I ate them in the dark, I ate them with my friend Clark, I ate them in the rain, I ate them, because I'm lame.

Maybe, next Sunday, I won't be lame, and I'll remember to shop. Let me mark my calendar, Sunday, 25 December... "buy fruit, buy bread..."

19 Comments:

Blogger Cam said...

Your blog entry title reminded me of this:
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a161/camfuandfriends/B.jpg

12/20/2005 5:35 AM  
Blogger Cam said...

Hmmm... that link seemed to have gotten cut off. Try:

http://70.86.201.113/imageserv2/temporary/PBF072ADb.jpg

Or, go to this site and scroll down until you see the title "b":

http://cheston.com/pbf/archive.html

12/20/2005 5:37 AM  
Blogger Vale of York said...

no... no... you don't mean that you will buy your fruit and your bread on dec. 25? The refrigerator will be groaning with being piled up high...
if you go out to get more you will surely be sacked... poor old chap...
Remember what will really be happening on that day? or should I say what might... or what may? .......
Hear me... oh hear me... It's finally pressies day.

12/21/2005 5:20 PM  
Blogger oldhall said...

Oh, don't worry, I don't refrigerate my bread & fruit.

12/21/2005 10:16 PM  
Blogger Teddy said...

No, fruit and bread oughtn't be refridgerated.

I will stand outside the grocery store with you!

12/22/2005 11:09 AM  
Anonymous Tom again said...

I think you're losing it peterb. Maybe you're just a little giddy from the holiday season. What will your Christmas meal be? Enjoy!

12/22/2005 8:30 PM  
Blogger oldhall said...

Hiya Tom! Glad you're still out there, you really ought to get your bad self a blog.

I wish you all the merriest of happy ones...

12/22/2005 10:26 PM  
Blogger Jill Monroe said...

So why do we not put fruit in the fridge? I've missed something in the education. I put everything in the fridge but the bananas.

12/24/2005 12:09 PM  
Blogger Wicked Widow said...

lol. Dipping in the eggnog, are we?

You have some great entries. Nice reading. Thanks!

12/25/2005 9:14 AM  
Blogger Elliot said...

It is in times like those that you ask "But, what would Mary Ann of Gilligan's Island do in this situation?" Thereby you can always rightfully judge your actions and inform your decisions.

In a bind, you channel Mrs. Howell, and you will at least make the "acceptable" decision. Especially when date 'n walnut bread are in the mix.

And, don't worry, the storekeepers eventually get to know you and treat you like you're really having the day you're imagining you're not having, even though it isn't even that day at all. I love people like that--they understand the meaning of displaced impatience.

12/26/2005 6:14 AM  
Blogger Sarah Elaine said...

I loved the Seussian allusions. (Clearly, you've been keeping up with Elliott and TG!)

And ... um... at the risk of sounding like an ignoramus from Across the Pond (as my own English cousins like to remind me... "Ugh! Canada! Just another colony!)... um... Isn't rarebit Welsh???

12/28/2005 12:27 AM  
Blogger Vale of York said...

...will somebody please tell me what rarebit is........
I always assumed that it somehow had to do with 'hare'...
you know, those long-eared rabbits with the cheap fur.
So then, where does the 'bit' come in?

O.K., I admit, I tried to take the easy way out.
'Rarebit', as to Odhams Dictionary of the English Language, is a preparation of cooked cheese on toast. And yes, Sarah Elaine, it is Welsh, it surely is.

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